Thoughts on "Last Train to Nibroc": Bravery

Last evening, I did something very brave. It may not sound like much, but for me it was. I don't like to go to things alone because of the anxiety it gives me. I mean sure, I can go to a grocery store or buy a pair of jeans by myself. I don't get nervous when I go in for a job interview, or when I have to make a presentation in a class. But being alone in a crowd is terrifying for me.

I had a friend in the cast, Tyler Hatch. He invited me to go, and I was hesitant. Because I used to perform all the time, I know how great it feels to know that there are people in the audience who are there to support you. And so I wanted to go and be a supportive friend. But I didn't want to go alone. I asked a several people if they would go with me, but didn't have a lot of luck. So I decided that I wasn't going to go. But Tyler is very persuasive when he wants to be, and convinced me to come anyway.

image taken from: http://arts.byu.edu/events/last-train-to-nibroc-2-1/

I walked into the Nelke Theatre pretty early so that I could sit where I wanted to and try to avoid people. I sat there, and as more and more people started to file in, my heart rate picked up. I began to sweat and my hands started to shake. I wondered why I was even there, trying to be "normal", allowing my body to react this way. I began to feel frustrated with myself. "You knew you couldn't handle it, but you came anyway. Why would you do that to yourself? You aren't strong enough." I almost started to cry. The other half of my argued, "I'm trying really hard here. Keep it together. I know this is a risk for me. But I'm trying." Finally, the play started and I was able to focus on that instead.

The performance was phenomenal. Tyler Hatch and his counterpart did an excellent job - everyone did. I was very impressed. The performance was engaging and dynamic. Sometimes it was even hard to watch because of the emotional tension. I do not say that to be disparaging. Because it's actually a compliment. It was honest. And as a society I don't think we are accustomed to such open honesty.

Last Train to Nibroc contained an interesting motif that especially spoke to me: bravery. The two characters talk about bravery - what it means to be brave - in a lengthy conversation, and then refer to it later. Their actions pattern the results of that conversation. This hit me especially hard because of the situation I found myself in. They talked about how little things can be seen as bravery. Things like going somewhere to find or do something. And in a way, that was me. I was being brave in being there - even though I was shaking and panicky. I was being brave. And that motif helped me through the rest of the show, and has since been the cause of much reflection.

I think what I took from this play, was that there are sometimes opportunities right under our noses. People, places and things present themselves in strange ways that aren't expected. And those people and places and things could change our lives if we would let them. But to let them, we have to take risks. We have to be brave and take a risk and do something about it, even if it might cost us. Because even though there is hurt on the way, there is a chance that there will be incredible joy on the other side. And that chance is worth the risk.