Sometimes an individual is defined by a disability, and idiosyncracy, or some little thing that is physically different about them. Before my surgery, people often walked up to me and asked "are you a dancer?" or "are you LDS?" They could see by the way I walked and talked and looked that I was either, or both, of those. People used to pass me and compliment me, or say hello to me and ask me how I was. I used to have conversations with complete strangers at the grocery store or mall or bank or wherever - and it happened all the time. That doesn't really happen anymore.
Now, instead of a conversation, I get the pitiful smile from the man who opens the door. I watch the elderly women in the table next to me at a restaurant eye my walker, wondering why I have the walker when the general way of the world dictates that they should instead. I watch the young mother pull her young children aside and listen to her say, "watch out for the lady". And I hear that roudy group of guys laugh and say, "Hey short stuff. Nice wheels", when my friends are pushing me in my wheelchair.
The initial responses don't bother me. People make fun of other people with or without their wheelchairs, pull their children away from strangers, and open the door. What bothers me is that my walker/wheelchair have become my identifying piece. People don't see my eyes or my smile. They don't see me anymore. They see the walker. Or the wheelchair.
Recently when talking to my parents I expressed such sentiments. I lifted my walker and said, "See this? This is my personality."
I know that I am far from the only person in the world who feels this way. I know plenty of people in wheelchairs. Plenty of people with walkers. Plenty of people with canes. And plenty of people with a limp quite similar to the one that accompanied my walk before surgery. And I know that all of them have felt the exact same way. Unfortunately, not all of them are as fortunate as I am. Their walkers, wheelchairs, crutches, canes and limps will always be a part of them. And those things will always define them. When people look at them, they will always see their physicality and connect it with personality.
In writing this, my intention is not to receive pity. At all. I have received an overdose of pity. In writing this, I simply hope that people will have a better understanding of this perspective, and that they won't treat individuals with defining physical features or disabilities (temporary or permanent) differently.
Here's the thing. Everyone has disabilities. Some people's are obvious, and some are hidden. But we all have them. We all have weaknesses. Some are physical. But some are emotional, mental or spiritual. Why do we define people by their "disabilities"? My personality is not "walker". I am an independent, stubborn, hard-working, determined, smart individual with enormous potential.
I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. He has given me unique characteristics, gifts and talents. Each of us are His children. He has given each of us these talents. How much more beautiful life would be if we could look at each invidual we come in contact with and see them as a creation of Heavenly Father. We would never tell someone that they're a waste of time, or that they're useless. We would see each individual as a beautiful, wonderful, child of God who we can both serve and learn from. Because here's the thing: Heavenly Father doesn't create anything worthless. He doesn't create anything useless either. How do I know this? Because Heavenly Father is efficient. He doesn't waste time, energy or resources. So why would He create anyone who has no potential or purpose? He wouldn't. When we treat someone as if they are useless, I believe that we are, in a way, telling Heavenly Father that His creation - His child - is a waste. And that is a terrible, terrible shame.
This trial is hard. But I am thankful for it. I wouldn't have it any other way. It has put so many things into perspective for me. I believe strongly that Heavenly Father gave me hip dysplasia to teach me. I have already learned and grown tremendously, and have no doubt that as I continue to go through this, He will teach, define, perfect and bless me in countless other ways.
No comments:
Post a Comment