"Uterus" is Not a Bad Word

Why do we tell children that a baby lives in Momma's tummy? We all know that it doesn't. So why do we tell them it does? Why, of all the things we let kids see and hear, is it not okay to give them medically accurate and age appropriate information? There is nothing inappropriate about the word 'uterus'.

When I was a kid, I asked my mom where the baby was, and like almost every mother, she said, "In my tummy." Now, as a young mother, this was probably the first time she had answered this question, and culture teaches us that that's what you're supposed to tell kids. So I don't fault her at all for telling me that. But let me take you on a walk inside of my mind:

Image taken from: https://acclaimclipart.com

"My brother is in mom's tummy....well...I've thrown up what's been in my tummy before, so I know what's in there, and it's gross." In my mind, an image of a baby floating around in puke emerged. Not a pretty picture. I was confused, and here's the mildly amusing but scary part. I didn't ask any more questions about it because I decided that surely Mom was wrong about that because that didn't make sense. And then comes other questions - so when a baby comes out, do they cut her open? Or does she poop the baby out like she poops food out? See? None of this makes any sense! Even to a kid!

I know that many people are uncomfortable talking to their kids about sex. The uterus has nothing to do with the act of sex, just with the results of sex. And it's good, not bad. So let's walk through this. How can we define uterus in an age appropriate way?

dictionary.com gives us the following definition:

"Uterus: a hollow muscular organ lying within the pelvic cavity of female mammals. It houses the developing fetus and by contractions aids in its expulsion at parturition."

Now, that definition is probably going to go over a young child's head. So here is a potential age appropriate answers to the question "Where is the baby?". Of course, there are many options, and an honest, medically accurate answer can be presented in many ways, and depending on the age and maturity of the child.
"Mom has a part of her body called a uterus. It's a special place/organ/home that's made just for a baby so that it can grow."

There is nothing inappropriate about that! So why are we saying tummy? It confuses kids and it's kind of a gross image. And if the kid is anything like me, they probably think you're lying to them, or you have no idea what your talking about. This leads us to a worse problem. If kids think you're lying to them, or your answers make no sense, they aren't  going to keep coming to you with their questions. And when they are eleven-thirteen and going through puberty, their questions may be answered by friends or the internet instead of being answered by Mom and Dad.

It's so important that we are honest with children. Guys, UTERUS just simply is not a bad word. It's okay to say it. There's no difference between that word and "eye" or "brain" or "elbow" or "heart" or "stomach".

Marriage: My Story

I want to tell you a story.

I met my husband exactly two weeks before my sixteenth birthday and we clicked instantly. When he found out I was turning 16, he proclaimed,"In two weeks, we are going on a date." And we did. It was my very first date, and even though I had to admit that I was about to throw up (he bought me a Sprite and I was okay!), it still ranks as one of the best dates I have ever been on. From that point on, we spent a lot of time together. We went to prom together, we built gingerbread houses, cooked, danced and played Just Dance on the Kinect. But throughout high school and much of my college life, we didn't date. We were just friends. In fact, I considered myself to be "one of the guys" because most of the time we were hanging out with our families or with his friends, Jacob and Jacob. We have always been extremely close and open with one another, even when we were dating others.

I didn't realize that I was attracted to Richard until May of 2014. He was living in El Paso, Texas, and I was living in Provo, Utah. We began to talk for hours every day. One night, we began talking around seven and we didn't hang up until seven thirty the next morning. The only reason we did hang up was because I had a breakfast date. I think that's how I knew I had feelings for him - it didn't feel like we had been talking all night. It felt like just a few hours. We never ran out of things to talk about. We still haven't.

I went to visit him in El Paso over the fourth of July. Three hours after getting off the plane, he asked me to officially be his girlfriend, and of course I said yes. Three days later, we were sitting on the couch in his apartment, and he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that he loved me. I told him that I loved him too and that I also wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We moved on to some other topic (probably food, knowing us). About an hour later he said, "So we're engaged now, right?" It caught me completely off guard and I had no idea what he was talking about. I recalled him saying the he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and realized that that was an indirect was of proposing. I sat there, continuing to think. I'm sure the silence must have terrified him, but I didn't want to answer unless I was sure. I realized that I knew Richard better than almost anyone else, and that the past few days dating had been no different from our friendship in high school except that we were holding hands and kissing. I felt so good about marrying him (and it was more than hormones - I can't explain it). It felt obvious. So I said yes. We were engaged for almost six months, and were married on December 20, 2014.

Now we are living in Provo. I have just two semesters of school left, and Richard is a mentor at one of the best boys' treatment academies in the nation. We have been through medical and financial disasters, long nights of homework, and backlash of others regarding our marriage. But we love each other more than ever.

Everyone thought we were insane, and without knowing all of the details, I can completely understand why. It does sound crazy. But it has been one of the best decisions we have made. Richard has helped me grow in ways I didn't believe were possible. I am a much better person, and it's been really exciting to watch Richard progress as well. I am so glad that he picked me. I know that there have been many comments made about Richard and I's marriage, but I hope you know three things:

1. We have a happy, holy and healthy relationship.
2. The disrespectful things people have said have cut us and our families deeply.
3. It is time for you to be happy for us. Our marriage has nothing to do with anyone else (except for God) anyway.

Sorry about the little lecture at the end. We are just so happy and want everyone else to be happy for us too. So there's our story. Personally I think it's kind of a cute one.

Am I the Ninth Leper or the Tenth?

The past couple of weeks I have been kind of down. I wrote an email to my mother, expressing my frustrations. These frustrations, which have been the result of several months, are frustrations I'm sure many people have felt. These frustrations, combined with much reflection, have been the result of some interesting realizations, that have helped me grow closer to my Savior and understand His life more fully. I have included a portion of my email to my mother in this blog to explain my frustrations:

"I hate that I give and give and give and allow people to use me. Over and over and over people ask for favors or I volunteer to help people, or fill the needs of others. Rarely do I even get a thank you. And even more rare is it that someone returns the favor. I cannot count the number of times I've been a shoulder to cry on, listened and given advice, helped with homework, prepared meals, given an egg or a cup of sugar, helped people move, let people borrow wrenches or screwdrivers or my vacuum or blender or tape or whatever else, times I've visited sick people, and on and on and on. And I love serving. I really do. It makes me more happy than almost anything else I do. But it's getting old, and because all of these relationships with people have such a low interest and return rate, I'm running low. ...How tired I am of people who only come around when they need something... I know that that 3am phone call or whatever is a huge compliment, but I hate how selfish people are. One friend I talked to about it said that it's just how people are - humans want convenience, and it's not intentional. He's right. But that doesn't make it okay. What has happened to society that everyone is so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see past the ends of their noses? That people take and take and take and never give back. I think I'm too nice. I keep getting used. But at the same time, how can I not give? I know what it feels like to be sick. I know what it's like to be lonely. I know what it's like to be in so much pain that you wish you were dead. I know how it feels when there is no one to talk to...or when you just don't have money for groceries, and so you live on a packet of oatmeal and half a can of soup. And because I know what those things feel like, how can I sit idly by and let others feel that way? 

Last fall, a guy came up to me at church and wanted to know how I was doing. He said, "On Thursday I was thinking about stopping by, but I figured you'd be busy, and didn't really have a reason to come by, so I didn't." I wanted to slap him. The day he mentioned had been a particularly bad day. I wanted to yell, "That was a spiritual impression. It was revelation, you idiot. I prayed and prayed and prayed that someone would knock on the door. I had a horrible night. And you were prompted and didn't listen." I don't want to be that person. So I keep giving and helping. There has to be a balance somewhere though. Because I'm giving and giving, and it makes me feel good, but at the same time, I'm starting to feel emotionally exhausted. 

I'm understanding how lonely the Savior must have felt. He did everything for everyone. But how often did someone do something for him? Where in the scriptures are records of someone voluntarily serving him? His mother and Joseph loved him - they looked for Him when He was in the temple and missing from them, and that's an act of service. A leper once thanked Him. Martha and Mary cooked for him once or twice, I'm sure. But really, when did someone come to Him and take an initiative? Was He always the instigator? What a lonely life that is - to be so hated and so loved that you only exist when someone needs you. Because you are incredibly dependable and helpful. And yet, they don't see that maybe service is needed on the other side as well."

I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way. And while it hurts to feel like I'm not wanted except in time of need, it has enhanced my understanding of the Savior and has helped me to feel closer to Him. I also feel the need to emphasize that I will not stop giving. I will continue to give as much as is in my power. Because like I said earlier, I know what it feels like to be in need, so how can I not give? How can I stand by and allow others to feel that way when there is something I could do to stop it?

I then realized, if the Savior, who has given me everything, who atoned and died for me, has felt alone and unwanted, how often have I done the same thing to Him? How often have I ignored Him, abandoned Him, and only used Him? How often have I been one of the nine lepers instead of the tenth? How many times has He rescued me when I have felt completely lost, alone and hopeless, and I didn't return the favor or even say thank you. And still, despite my selfishness and ingratitude, He continued to lift and carry me. He still granted me tender mercies. He has been a best friend to me when I have been a stranger to Him.

Mosiah 2:17 states that "when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God." I am not a perfect person, but I can serve. That I can do. Service can feel lonely. We can feel like we're being used, aren't really wanted and are unappreciated, and that's normal. But serving God's children is one way that we can serve Him and express gratitude for all that He has done for us. So I don't know about you, but I'm not going to give up. I'm going to keep serving. Because I love Him, and I know that He loves all of His children. And He needs me. He needs all of us. He needs us to serve and take care of each other. We can be the tender mercies of those around us. We owe it to Him and to ourselves. I don't want to be the ninth leper anymore. I want to be the tenth. And because I am in control of my life, I can be.

I'm Not Going to Apologize for the Creation of Me!

Recently my friend Melissa wrote a post on her blog. She titled it "My Non-Apology Letter". You can read it here: http://ldslissa.blogspot.com/2014/07/my-non-apology-letter.html. She has some great thoughts that I think we can all apply to our lives. Today, I am partially responding to her post, and expanding on some of my own thoughts.

I believe that every day, we either create or destroy. A part of our genetic makeup and divine potential is our ability to create. Ultimately, it is our purpose on earth. We create homes, families, careers, titles, technology, methods for survival, entertainment, and a host of other things. Most importantly, we create ourselves. It's true. More than discovering ourselves, we create ourselves. Which brings me to a thought...surround yourself with people who accept you as you are!

A few months before my relationship with Richard began, I was interested in a young man. To be discreet, I'll call him Sam. We had been on a few dates, and I thought we really clicked. I felt very comfortable around Sam, and he seemed to be pretty comfortable around me. Our dates usually had a good balance of serious, deep discussion, and comical and amusing conversation. I thought there was a good chance that he was interested in me, and I was interested in him. And then he fell off the face of the earth. 

I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks, and thought this was strange. Being friends with one of Sam's roommates, I asked him about it. His roommate told me that Sam was interested, but that he was also intimidated by me because I expressed myself very well, and was a pretty passionate person. He suggested that I try to be a little more...soft, for lack of a better word. I thought this was decent advice. Sometimes I come off as harsh when I only mean to be passionate and excited, and so I tried this, and asked Sam on another date. Come to find out, he had thought that I was older than he was (and consequently five years older than I actually am), and that too had intimidated him. Our date went very well. He held my hand and was a perfect gentleman and I was pretty ladylike. 

Before I continue, let it be understood that Sam is a really kind, fun, wonderful person. He wasn't controlling or critical or requiring me to change. We just didn't fit, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Richard and I started dating, and one day, out of the blue he said, "You know what my favorite thing about you is?

"No, what?"

"You're terrifying."

Usually being called terrifying is not a compliment. But he meant it to be, and this peaked my curiosity so I asked him to explain.

"I never know what you're going to do. You terrify me.
You're incredibly unpredictable and it's so exciting. I love that I never know what you're going to do. It's fun. You keep me guessing."

Richard accepts me as I am, and he always has. 

I have other friends who accept me as I am too, which is a huge blessing. The point is, because we create ourselves, we should take enough pride in ourselves to be confident in who we are, and don't need to change just because we want to "fit" with another person or a group of people. As we create ourselves, it is important that we create someone that we are proud of, and that we surround ourselves with people who think we're worth time and effort. These social interactions make us happier, boost our confidence, and encourage us to be better, instead of pressuring us to change. While we can always improve ourselves, and the people around us can help us do so, feeling pressured to change, or feeling that we have to apologize for being who we are can poison our spirits and prevent us from creating ourselves.

So, like my dear friend Melissa, I'm going to not apologize for being who I am. Because while I'm not perfect, I am pretty great. And I am worth a lot. Let me tell you who I am. I am a passionate, energetic young woman. I am innovative, perceptive and insightful. I love to learn new things. I am very excited to be a mom...whenever that day comes. I am deeply afraid of being used and betrayed, but I will give someone in need everything I can. Helping people fills the emptiness in my life and makes me incredibly happy. I am not afraid of emotions, and I am a lady. I expect to be treated as a lady. I love classic films. I love music. I love to dance. And I love to laugh. In many ways, I'm like a five year old kid. I love ice cream and grass and the sky and making cookies and dancing in the rain.  

Mostly though, I'm a girl who is doing the best she can. I'm a daughter of my Heavenly Father. And I'm proud of all of it. 

Investing in Others

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately - not just the romantic ones. I mean all relationships: familial, friendly, platonic, etc. We all have many relationships, whether positive, negative or neutral. We build relationships with members of our family, those we work with, our friends, and a vast number of other people.

I have learned that life is more about the relationships that we build than the things we do. My grandfather sends me lots of letters. I love opening the mailbox to see and envelope from him. In a letter he wrote a few months ago he talked about how he is getting old and knows that his body is preparing to die. In reflecting on this knowledge, he said he realizes that he will really leave nothing behind but memories. He expressed to me a hope that the memories he leaves will be positive ones, rather than negative, and that the memories will be valuable enough that people will actually remember him beyond his funeral.

I began thinking about this more deeply, and it has not left me. Sure, my job is important. My education is equally, if not more critical. Eating healthy and exercising, getting enough sleep, grocery shopping, laundry and all of those other things on our to-do list are also important. But what really matters is the relationships that we develop. Because those create memories. Those create an impact.

My grandpa fears that when he goes, no one will mind - that nothing he has done has really made a lasting impact. I worry about that too. And I'm convinced that everyone else has felt that at some point in their lives as well.

In trying to make relationships a higher priority, I have had to open myself up to people more. I am not perfect at it by any means. But I am investing more in others. Sometimes this gets me hurt - that's what happens when we open ourselves up to people. It isn't always received as we hope. But that's okay because it means we're trying.

I'll be honest. As I have invested more of myself into people, I have at times, felt taken advantage of. Sometimes I feel used. But there are moments that are worth all of it. Because eventually someone says "thank you" or "I was thinking about you" or "can you give me some advice" or "I need someone to talk to", and those moments mean everything to me. They are worth more than my paycheck, or that GPA, or the laundry and dishes being finished before one in the morning.

So I want to share with you a video that inspired me. I hope that it will inspire everyone to invest a little more into those around them.

I promise that as we invest more into the lives of others, our lives will be enriched. We will have more confidence, less loneliness, more love and greater peace. I have felt it in my life.

A Journey

A little over a year and a half ago, I learned that I had to have my hips operated on. I can remember how I felt. I had seen four or five specialists in several months prior, had had multiple X-rays, and MRI arthrogram, physical therapy, and a number of other treatments and attempts at providing me relief and a solution. I remember how devastated I felt when I found out that I had to have two PAOs. I was so confused. But I have learned and grown tremendously over the last eighteen months. My life has been richly blessed and my perspective broadened. I still feel pain sometimes, and when I've done too much, I walk with a limp. The last year has been long and painful, but if given the chance, I wouldn't let anyone take it from me. This trial changed my life.

I recently made a list of everything I learned in the past year. I found forty-three general things. If I were to break all of them down, I would probably hold the record for the longest blog post, and I don't think anyone honestly really wants to read that.

I am so thankful for all of the experiences I had and for who I have become and am continuing to become because of my experiences. It's funny what becoming helpless will teach you if you let it.

Here's the most important thing:
I have not discovered myself. I have created myself. And despite all of my remaining imperfections, I'm pretty happy with the process so far. I am so excited to see what the rest of my future will bring and how I will continue to create myself as I choose to learn and grow and let others into my life. Life is so indescribably beautiful and I am so thankful for the trials I have had. They have proven to be incredible opportunities and thinking about everything I have gained fills my heart greatly.

I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who knows me and exactly what I need to create myself and become the person that I am meant to be. I am thankful that He allows me to experience hard things, and that His guiding hand is in every aspect of my life to help me achieve and conquer.

This journey has been a long one, and it certainly has not been easy. But it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

PAO Animation

I found this animated version of my surgery, which helps to explain things so much better! There are ten short parts to the animation, and each is about one minute. If you don't have ten minutes, parts 4-6 give you a pretty decent idea. Keep in mind however, that this version of the surgery is more advanced. It mentions putting wire into your hips and 2-3 screws. In mine, I have four screws as well.

 To view the video, just click the link below.

http://www.hss.edu/animation-PAO-periacetabular-osteotomy.htm