Developing a Sense of Self to Strengthen Relationships

I have been thinking a lot lately about relationships. I don't mean romantic relationships exclusively. I am referring to relationships as a whole: friendly, romantic, familial and so on. When I scroll through Facebook, or listen to people passing by on campus, at church, or at the grocery store, I listen to all kinds of complaints about people they are in various forms of relationships with. And as I listen, I also see other cues: I see a lack of confidence in self. They seem so afraid to move forward boldly in their own lives - to take a stand and create their own future. Their sense of self is slight. And I believe that this is at the core of why their relationships suffer.

I am not being critical. I have compassion for these individuals. I also realize that I am somewhere on this road of self-discovery as well. In fact, I believe that there really is no end to that journey. We talk about adolescence and young adulthood being the time for people to "find out who they are", but I don't think we ever stop developing and learning about ourselves. At least, the successful person never does. 

While I am not being critical, I do think that it is something that needs attention - and we don't give it enough attention. We cannot have effective, long-lasting relationships if we do not understand ourselves and understand and utilize our own strengths and potential. 

If we do not understand who we are in a relationship, we can't stand strong in it - we cannot guide and direct ourselves as we ought, and so relationships change us too much. Maintaining relationships is difficult, and those that do not begin with a strong sense of self are almost guaranteed not to last and be happy.

I am not saying that if we have a sense of self every relationships will last. I am saying however, that when we have a strong sense of self, we know which relationships are worth fighting for and which ones are not. Just as importantly, we know how to fight for them and why we do.

So here is my recommendation: find out who you are, what you want and what you can do with your life. Continue to discover and create yourself. Let's build our relationships based on who we create ourselves to be, not on what we want others to give us.

I Love Temples

Today I was able to go to the LDS temple in Provo, Utah with my family. In the temple there is a sense of peace, safety, and hope. My two brothers and parents are in town for their spring break, and we decided to go and do baptismal work there as a family.

I went to the Jordan River temple last Saturday.  I had not attended the temple in quite some time, and I think I was expecting to have an earth shattering experience. I didn't. At all. I struggle with some pretty severe anxiety sometimes, and this was felt in the temple. I hadn't been to the temple in a while, and I was at a bigger temple than the one closest to home, and it was busier, and the layout was different, and there were more people, and the whole thing stressed me out. So I spent so much time praying to Heavenly Father to help me feel calm. And then I started thinking that it was all my fault. I thought this because the adversary cannot tempt us inside temples, and so all negative thought must come from me. This perception devastated me. I realize now that I have an imperfect body with an imperfect brain and that it wasn't "my fault". It's just the way it is.

But this morning when I woke up, I didn't want to go to the temple again. I thought, "I don't want to be disappointed again. I don't want to fail to feel the Spirit of peace that I used to feel in the Lord's house. But because my family was in town and I had no reason not to go outside of this, I decided to go with them. I had a surprisingly wonderful experience.

It was not earth shattering. But it was perfect.

Sitting in the temple next to my mom and brothers, watching my dad exercise his priesthood authority to bless the lives of others was such a wonderful experience, that so few are privy to. I am blessed beyond measure to have a family who I can worship Heavenly Father with.

I watched my youngest brother, and then my other younger brother be baptized by my father. They were each baptized for four individuals who had died. My mom was sitting next to me. We were all there together, unified in the work of Christ. I felt an overwhelming love for my family and a heightened understanding of the work we were doing for those on the other side. When my brothers had finished, I stepped in to the font and my dad baptized me for those on the other side in the same way that he had for my brothers. I felt a special connection with my dad - the same type of connection that I had had while sitting next to my mom, and while watching my brothers be baptized. I felt the love of the individuals that I was being baptized for, and a sense of gratitude from the other side. None of this was huge or overwhelming. It was quiet. If I had been talking, or distracted, I would have missed it. But that is the beauty of the temple and of personal revelation. You have to be focused to feel it.

I am so thankful for temples and for the experience that I had today with my family. I have a testimony of temple work and know that families are an eternal and sacred institution created and ordained of God. I know that our Heavenly Father knows each of us - that we are all of His children and He cares about us. He is aware of our struggles, successes and needs. I am so thankful for that knowledge.


Note: If you have questions about temples or other aspects of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, please do not hesitate to ask me or another friend of the LDS faith. I also invite you to visit the two links in the first paragraph of this post. http://www.mormon.org/ and https://www.lds.org/?lang=eng are also excellent resources.